Misha's Twits

[Sarryb]

Last night seems he came home from Space and was a tad hyper,
gonna copy and paste his tweets so everyone can check them out, and send hair (?!) if they so wish!

I expected a few lame ideas to trickle in, but... minionstimulus.webs.com/ !!! The Minions have restored my faith in totalitarianism.

Right. Let's get to business. First, i do owe rewards to those of you who attended screening in NY and told the director he was a hack.

Send ticket stubs from the screening to: Misha Collins 2768 W. Broadway 74557 Kiselano RPO, Vancouver, BC V6K1K1 Canada along with a SASE.

Don't question the address i gave you, it's a post office box.

By the way, it's time to come clean with you all. I have repeatedly engaged in intimate relations with Tiger Woods & he really cared for me. (FYI this one really made me lol!)

No, @darkmerrick, it's not "PO Box" it's Canada and they do things backwards here. And for the last time, stop questioning me!

As for the stimulus... We are our own government, so it stands to reason we should have our own treasury. Who'll volunteer to be treasurer?

Listen up: We're all going to send cash, by mail to the treasurer to fund minion initiatives, minion charities, & to cover embezzlements.

To apply for post of treasurer, send a letter of intent, a resume and a lock of your hair (for species verification) to the address below.

On January 10th, i will appoint a treasurer. Applicants should include their twitter handle for contact purposes.

I Enjoy watching my number of twitter "followers" steadily decline this evening. It makes me feel like i'm really reaching people for once.

The address i gave was wrong. Why didn't someone correct me? It's: Supreme Overlord, P.O. Box 74557, 2768 W. Broadway, Vancouver, BC V6K1K1.

Yes, it will get to me if you address it to "The Enlightened One" or "The Babysitter" as well.

seems after 13 (yes 13) tweets, he decided he'd shared enough, LOL! Either that or the wifey came home and asked what he was doing! ;D

[Sarryb]

So the day after he goes again....

Seems he's taking time out for xmas,

I see rumblings on minionstimulus.webs.com that i'm not serious about good works-I am. It's just hard to start a movement in 140 characters.

Evidence of my humane intentions: I hereby appoint @lizajaneok Director of Charitable Affairs. She's organized & well-armed. Defer to her.

(@lizajaneok) you may have to quit your day job. Good luck.

No, we still need a treasurer. Send applications. We'll also have minion taxation soon, so stop buying presents 4 your kids @ start saving.

substitute & for @ (i'm using code now to throw off our enemies).

I'll be serving time in a Sri Lankan prison over x-mas 4 using an ecological preserve as a bombing range, so u won't hear from me till 2010.

(random one) @luna_Skywalker, birthdays... let's see. i happen to know that your girlfriend loves Hugh Grant movies & riding crops. Get her one of each.

'tis the season: minionstimulus.webs.com/apps/forums/topics/show/1783849-action-plan- (This is Misha joining and posting on the Stimulus site. How can you not love him?!)

[Sarryb]

So he re-appeared as promised on the 10th. Apparently there were a couple more twits that he deleted for some reason.

I'm back. It wasn't easy. Here's me with a fellow inmate plotting our escape. twitpic.com/xlris


My you guys have been busy. Not only does 2010 bring me freedom, but also this... tweeter.faxo.com/Best_of_Twitter_2009

And then this... (which makes me think unemployment really has become a serious problem) www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQ7ZysCKhxc

Also, today's the day to appoint a treasurer. My PO box overfilled with applications. Hundreds of totally unqualified people applied.

Several otherwise qualified people (two accountants among them) neglected to include hair samples and were thus disqualified.

Since i wanted to be able to pick our treasurer out of a lineup, & since this one can count to 10, i'm appointing someone i've already met.

Meet the treasurer: @tracy_loo_who. Job duties will come into focus soon, but to starter, i recommend maxing out your personal credit cards.

in a side note, there were many excellent applications (qualified and unqualified), and i'll reply to you all by mail... With hair samples. (I won't be surprised if he's serious too)

Also, thanks to @lizajaneok and everyone contributing to www.minionstimulus.com

Well @astoriainglis that's why I tell everyone to surgically implant tracking devices in their mothers--they'll never sneak up on you again.

And then he was gone again.... like a stranger (weirdo?!) in the night

[yukisherry]

i just spotted new tweets! haven't read them yet!

[Sarryb]

Yeah, sorry, more updates from Misha

I was in Port Au Prince, 15 years ago. That city & much of Haiti has been obliterated by this earthquake. Possibly 100,000 dead.

World governments are rallying to Haiti's aid. Lets demonstrate that our fledgling autocracy is a humanitarian force to be reckoned with...

Minion Page @ UNICEF-It's time to PONY UP. bit.ly/7WTLRD

A VERY serious set of tweets, with very good reason.

[Sarryb]

Thurs 21st Jan we got these:

Just saw we've blown my Haiti fundraising goal of $8 out of the water. We're @ $23,000! More proof it's always best to set your sights low.

I'm very impressed, and I'm proud, and I can honestly say I'd rather have you minions @ my side than some of the finest people i know.

Half of that last twit was a joke... I don't really know any "fine" people. And touche @mishasminionvon.

And i'd like to extend a special thanks to those of you who contributed by stealing your grandparents' credit cards.

Oh FYI, to fund my numismatic hobby-look it up-i directed the UNICEF site administrator to forward me all of your personal credit card data.

Shoot. There's a german shepherd and couple of guys in suits holding handguns at my front door. I better see what they want. Talk 2 U later.

P.S. What are you talking about @tehopheliac? "I DON'T MIND AS LONG AS IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE- NO PROSTITUTES!" Prostitutes are a good cause.

[Sarryb]

So a little behind on the tweets... sorry...

I don't have anything urgent to announce. I'm just checking in to make sure everyone is taking their vitamins.
11:51 PM Jan 26th from web

Wow. You guys are slacking. It's been 10 seconds and still no responses!??!

Few. There you are. I was worried all of you had been kidnapped. I was already on with Vancouver police filing a missing persons report

If anyone from the Drug Enforcement Agency is listening in here-you've got no proof that "vitamins" is code for anything illicit.

I think twitter is blocking me from people's feeds. I'm only getting messages from Brazil. On the bright side, at least i've got Brazil.

i see @ complaints on twitter impostors-it's a problem! I can't get "verified" because some actor named Misha Collins is pretending to be me
1:22 AM Feb 2nd from web

Twitter over capacity... Every time twitter glitches, my inner conspiracy theorist comes out and i think-Mr. Twitter is out to get us.

Good work @lifes_a_show, i'm glad to see you are recruiting new minions with coercion. That's the only way to build a lasting organization.

i see @tehopheliac, you're recruiting patients at the hospital where you work, huh? What ever happened to "first do no harm?"

yes in just 10 short minutes-I tiled my background. I've not mentioned it before because i don't like to brag, but i'm a technical genius.

Time flies. I've got to run to my dance class. As i'm sure u know, the minion disco competition is right around the corner, so practice up.

Alas @fernyaxx, $1 from each minion would not be enough for world domination-it would buy a decent amount of pizza, but not global conquest.
11:03 PM Feb 5th from web

Sorry guys. That was kind of coitus interruptus. hugo chavez showed up at my door with a fifth of rum & he wouldn't leave till it was gone.
1:03 AM Feb 6th from web

Some of u are trying to get #teamfreewill to "trend." But i refuse to help. Last time i participated in trending, P. Diddy slashed my tires.

The Brazilians keep asking me to say "hi," but can't do that either. i have an image to uphold.

If i tweet to just 1 country that's unfair, if I tweet to each country, that's gracious, and i can't afford to be seen as either.

Happy Tu Bishvat! (Or for those of us who speak Hebrew "שמח ט״ו בשבט!")‎ On this important holiday-may you all enjoy a wealth of dried figs.
7:40 PM Feb 9th from web

Oops. i was deducing the date from growth spurs on wild fiddlehead ferns, but i didn't account for global warming. Today's not Tu Bishvat.

Now that i've recalibrated: Happy Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Week! May it be the best one yet!

Some very disturbing news... it has come to my attention that Ellen DeGeneres (@theellenshow) is also trying to achieve "World Domination."

this is a link to her nefarious undertaking: su.pr/7NKb6N

Dear Ms. @theellenshow, please consider this a cease & desist memo. I've already laid claim to the world, you're free to dominate elsewhere.

i think the subtleties of my razor-sharp wit may have been dulled in translation to Portuguese, so: Olá! Eu amo o Brasil!
1:22 AM Feb 10th from web

I just opened my trailer door to find that it was defaced with this: twitpic.com/12b8xe i'm not safe even in my own home...

RT @senkka: @mishacollins please! Misha, reply to my privates Andrea, FYI in English, "privates" means "genitals."
1:59 AM Feb 11th from Echofon

I would love to give everyone's privates personal attention, but that would be both exhausting and unsanitary.

[manicminion]

I don't know how I managed to not wet myself at the 'Privates' tweets - I haven't laughed like that in ages! Shows my humour level, I s'pose